Although I’ve mentioned our miscarriage on the blog before, I’ve shied away from giving too many details. Not because I don’t feel comfortable sharing with you, but because the whole situation is still so incredibly raw.
Miscarriage has its own kind of grief. You have all of this love in your heart for someone (or in our case, multiple someones) that you cannot meet. A non-transferrable love. You feel lost and useless. Misunderstood. Angry.
That being said, music ministered to me like nothing else could during that time.
Here are five songs that kept me going when I couldn’t even get out of bed. I hope they bring you comfort and peace.
Pieces by Steffany Gretzinger
I won’t lie and say that I didn’t struggle with anger at God. Allowing us to lose our babies seemed unnecessary and cruel. This song spoke to me at the height of my bitterness, broke through my heart of stone, and reminded me that God is not a spiteful God.
“You don’t give your heart in pieces. You don’t hide yourself to tease us.”
Be Still My Soul (In You I Rest) by Kari Jobe
It’s difficult to find hope in a situation where a mother is grieving her baby.
This song comforted me with the fact that God is unchanging, and that He can heal a shattered spirit.
“Be still, my soul, The Lord is on thy side
Bear patiently, the cross of grief or pain
Leave to thy God, to order and provide
In every change, He faithful will remain
Be still, my soul, thy best thy heavenly friend
Through thorny ways, leads to a joyful end.”
Cecie’s Lullaby by Steffany Gretzinger
This is a song I’d queue up when I just needed a good cry. There isn’t really an inspirational or earth-shaking message, but it was a comfort nonetheless.
“So rockabye baby, come and rest
You’ve been tired lately, lay your head down
Don’t you think, Baby, I know best?
I’ve been a Father for a long time
Call My name and I will listen
All you need is here inside my arms
Just sleep and you can find your rest in Me.”
I Am Not Alone by Kari Jobe
December was a month where I truly felt alone. Of course, we had an overwhelming amount of support and prayers, but it didn’t seem like anyone really understood the depth of grief that a loss like this causes. This song reminded me that even in the darkest time of my life, He was there where others couldn’t be.
“When I walk through deep waters
I know that You will be with me
When I’m standing in the fire, I will not be overcome
Through the valley of the shadow, I will not fear
I am not alone
I am not alone
You will go before me
You will never leave me.”
Untitled Hymn (Come to Jesus)
Chris Rice released this song when my mother was suffering one of her own miscarriages. It carried us through the following months of grief and healing.
A beautiful, beautiful song. I’ve actually had it on repeat throughout writing this post.
“Sometimes the way is lonely
And steep and filled with pain
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus and live.”
If you or someone you know is suffering from miscarriage, I want to say that I’m sorry. I know nothing I could do or say could ease your torment. Don’t try to be strong. Cry, grieve. Throw things if you need to. Know that you are loved and prayed for. I hope this playlist encourages you, or at least gives you a shoulder to cry on.
Do you have any songs to add to this list? Any words of love for the grieving mothers reading this?
If you need to talk to someone, please email me in the contact button above or through my Facebook page. I’m here to listen.
National Suicide Prevention Hotline:
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